Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

98,163 notes

144cm:

let’s be friends with benefits. the benefits? you get to be friends with me

126,582 notes

dadspy:

*smokes pocky stick* yep i remember MY first yaoi 

25,943 notes

My problem is that I fall in love with words, rather than actions. I fall in love with ideas and thoughts, instead of reality. And it will be the death of me.
Unknown (via gofuckingnuts)

(Source: roadtothesacred)

179,936 notes

soysad:

sorta wanna die sorta wanna kiss you sorta wanna get my shit together sorta wanna lose twenty pounds in a month??

(Source: punkleaf)

265,577 notes

ruinedchildhood:

doing a presentation in front of the class

24,907 notes

kawree:

alenkosgirl:

When there are 0 fanfics with the pairing you want

image

worse: when the fics exist and are ALL BAD

28,031 notes

  • october 31st: SPOOOOOOKKKKKY!!!!!!!!!!! buy candy and scaaaary costumes here!!!
  • november 1st: JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING RING TING TINGLING TOOOOOO

276,856 notes

alexkwolfe:

I drew this choice Dave for the WeLoveFine contest a while back, so if the high stakes cutthroat rating game is indeed your game you can go proudly display your love of ironic prophecies and skateboards of questionable quality over this way and vote to get this on a sweet shirt. 

alexkwolfe:

I drew this choice Dave for the WeLoveFine contest a while back, so if the high stakes cutthroat rating game is indeed your game you can go proudly display your love of ironic prophecies and skateboards of questionable quality over this way and vote to get this on a sweet shirt. 

3,515 notes